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Bonding with your child


                                                  
                                        
Bonding is a ongoing process, not something that takes place within minutes and not something that has to be limited to happening within a certain time period after birth. For many parents, bonding is a byproduct of everyday caregiving. You may not even know it is happening until you observe your baby's first smile and suddenly realize that you're filled with love and joy.

The strong ties between parents and their child provide the baby's first model for intimate relationships and foster a sense of security and positive self-esteem. Also parents' responsiveness to their baby's cues can affect the infant's social and cognitive development.

The success of this wordless relationship enables a child to feel secure enough to develop fully, and affects how he or she will interact, communicate, and form relationships throughout life. By understanding how you can better participate in this emotional interaction, you can ensure that your child has the best foundation for life. Here are some handy tips to help you build this beautiful relationship:  
     
 
  • Start early in his life
  • Notice good behavior: give your child positive rather than negative attention. For example, try noticing and commenting on what your child does right rather than what he does wrong.

  • Focus your attention on what your child can rather than what he can’t do

  • Remember that no child is perfect, but every child has huge untapped potential.

  • Remember that your child has unique gifts and talents, even if you cannot see them at the moment.

  • Praise regularly and specifically: reinforce your child’s good behavior by giving him rewards and praise. This is much more effective than punishments. Ignore bad behavior, even in testing situations.

  • Make special time together

  • Show affection

  • Remember: a cuddle and a tickle can go a long way

  • Have a good laugh regularly

  • Avoid hostility and blame

  • Set clear limits: children need to know the limits and learn to live within them. You have to teach your child what is right and wrong, safe and unsafe, allowed and not allowed and have clear, pre-agreed consequences for negative behavior.

  • Set achievable goals

  • Set clear commands: when you are telling your child what to do, you need to keep it short and clear, making one request at a time. Shouting “stop being naughty” is unclear, but saying in a calm voice “please sit still” is more effective.  Be positive and polite and be realistic in your demands, and give your child time to respond. Give your child warning of commands-“you have 5 more minutes to play and then it’s tidy up time”.

  • Reward good behavior: start charts and reward systems often work well, even with older children. Work out a system that your child will be interested in. Younger children need immediate visible and practical rewards such as stickers, whereas older ones can earn points towards a desired object or special outing, extra time on the computer or TV. Link the good behavior with the reward. Do not succumb to bribes (when you give in to your child’s demands for the sake of peace)

  • Inspire and motivate

  • Listen to your child

  • Treat him with respect

  • Be consistent.

  • Remember that you are your child’s role model: believe in yourself, look after yourself, stop and think, and be positive

  • Share good times together

  • Play and have fun

  • Celebrate his and your achievements together.

Parent’s role in the relationship with grandparents

Grandparents are assets to a family and in child development. Respect and gratitude should be extended to grandparents by all members of the household.
When grandparents take care of the children in a joint family system, though children receive unconditional love, inconsistency in the type of parenting style brings up clashes. Request to maintain consistency in parenting style can be made with politeness


Parent’s role in the relationship with other significant adults

Neighbours, relatives, teachers, staff at school, subordinates to parents, workers and helpers at home constitute the significant others. Let children form opinion about all of them. Information on self protection should be given in the age appropriate manner.
Subordinate staff like maids, drivers etc should be treated with respect so that children learn the value of dignity of labour.

Parents must be able to defend against adverse comments about children from others but be able to highlight the positive qualities of the child in the midst of all. This enhances the self esteem of the child. Children do not expect parents to act; they want the parents to listen with empathy



 

 

 

 



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